That's it! My voice Notebook for Fall of 2011 is complete (except printing off my blogs). I'm registered for my senior recital next semester. I'm nearing the end of this journey, and it's kind of scary.

Things to remember for jury:

• Stay calm. You know this. 
• Big mouth, dangit! 
• Crisp Consonants.
• You're a rockstar. Show it. 
• Breathe off of the release and low. Take your time with it. 
• MORE TEETH! 
• Something will probably go wrong, it's how you recover that matters. 
• You've been trained well, put it to good use, and you will be successful. 

I think I'm going to do okay. I ran through everything in the practice room and feel very strong. My voice is a little out of control right now - I think it's rebelling from constant use between Madrigals, end of semester practicing, and gala. I'm trying to focus on some more listening and score study between now and my jury on Wednesday.

Overall, it's been a great semester. I've worked so hard! I've come so far in such a short amount of time. It's refreshing to have music be just fun. Which is what it is right now. I'm excited. I love it.

Madrigal Dinners have officially killed me. Recital this week had some interesting words, I think I let a mess up at the beginning get to me - I missed my entrance - but by the end, I'd remembered my technique and I finished strong. I am just vocally tired.

For my main practicing, I've been using choir and madrigals to really focus on technique. Outside of rehearsals, I've been listening. Naxos = best friend.

My lesson this week felt amazing. It's good to just sing and enjoy it. I feel like I'm getting to the point where it's natural to just sing and have fun with it. The technique is almost becoming second nature. Though, I've found when I think that way too much, I get lazy with it. I don't know.

I'll just keep trucking. But I'd love to rest my voice for a while.

I finally have the Standchen memorized! Keep listening, but it's going so well. It's a little scary with Thanksgiving here, but we had a great time as a family, so I'm feeling ready to go for the end of the semester. I'm thinking a lot about "'Tis Done!" and I don't know if it's going to be ready. I know Dr. H gave me the choice, so I might have to decide against it.

Aside from that, I've been working on my voice notebook and, in the practice room, primarily technique. I've been working on my 'ah' vowel, again. I feel like I'm still having some issues keeping it forward. It's easier if I can put an [i] before it.

I don't know much else to write about. It's Thanksgiving, but it doesn't change that I need to work. It's a good semester, though.

I'm too hard on myself. That's the conclusion I have come to in life, and I don't know what to think for sure. I mean. I sang well on Tuesday, and I had more than one person tell me it sounded good. And I smiled and said thank you, but I found so many moments that I would like to go back and redo. I looked at "Sento nel core" again today and kind of started to fix some of that.

I'm going to work really hard on the forward [i] warm-ups and transitioning that into an "ah" because I think that's what's giving me that forward consistency. And teeth. Lots and lots of teeth.

Memorization is coming along well on the German. The Standchen is coming along, I think, and after my lesson, I get it more. I just need to think of the translation.

I am pumped for a senior recital next semester...things are good. Things will continue to be good.

Thanks for all of the help and encouragement, Dr. H!

All right, so. This was a relatively successful week. My Make up lesson on Wednesday went pretty well. I'm starting to grasp the concepts of space and teeth. At the choir concert last night, I felt myself thinking "skinny & teeth" over and over. Every time I saw a note that was even relatively high I forced myself to be grounded in the technique I have spent nearly four years learning. It's amazing. Amazing, I tell you, to see it pay off.

Tuesday recital was awesome. It took some convincing from Dr. Hepworth because of a few nit-picky things I found in myself, but I'm really proud of that performance. It meant the world to hear her tell me she was proud of me. Thank you for everything, Dr. Hepworth! I wouldn't have been able to sing that way if it weren't for you.

We're working more on foreign language and "To One..." (insert long title here). I'm feeling more confident on everything except the "Standchen". (I know that's one of those a's with two dots, but I don't know how to type that on here. sorry...) I just can't understand it. I don't know if that makes sense. I'm planning on running it with Mr. Phil in my rehearsal, though. Maybe the accompaniment will help? Although, from looking at it, I think it might be very easy to fall into the Phil-Trap.

I'm getting more and more excited about "'Tis Done! I am a Bride" every time I practice it. I'm glad I made the decision to push myself for the Bb at the end rather than stick with comfort. I think that's going to make me a better performer and help me to realize that I'm capable of things I never imagined.

I'm leaning toward "Sento Nel Core" for Recital on Tuesday. I'll have that decision made soon, though. Probably after I rehearse with Mr. Phil in an hour.

So far so good, I think. Just a lot of words to wrap my tongue around.

I've spent a lot of time this week revisiting Les Cloches. We're working on getting the foreign language memorized. I feel like it's coming a long. I have my lesson on Wednesday this week, which is kind of a blessing in disguise. I think I've elected to sing Moonfall again on recital so that I'm more confident when I pull out one of the others. Especially since I didn't get my rehearsal with Mr. Phil last week and no lesson today.

I'm also working on To One Who Passed Whistling Through the Night .... longest title ever, still ... and I am falling more and more in love with it. I'm going to get a recording of it from Mr. Phil this week. I need that to go through with the accompaniment and make it all line up.

I think I'm making improvements. My consistency is better. I'm learning to like my rep (finally) and I think it's successful.

I've done a lot of score study this week. To say the least. Unfortunately, I still don't feel the greatest and am just not in the best of vocal health right now. I think I'll do the Debussy for recital this week, and probably on Studio. I just feel like it's the best choice and I'm loving it. But it's been frustrating to just feel like I can't sing.

I don't like being sick, but hopefully I'll get over it soon. When I went to the doctor, they said that it was just a cold and if my symptoms persisted to come back in. So, I guess we'll see.

I just think I've not been doing as well as I could this semester. Things have been distracting and I'm letting them get in the way of my school performance. So for the last several weeks, I will kick it into high gear and start doing better. At least, that's my plan. It will work. Because I said so.

So. Recital today. I felt like I was able to redeem myself after studio yesterday. I know "Must the Winter" and I knew it yesterday, too. I let nerves and a rough start get the best of the entire thing. I just...I don't know. I walked away feeling like my recital performance was strong. I guess, thinking about it, there was probably some intonation to be fixed...I don't know that I had very clean cut offs. I don't know.

I'm not overly excited for NATS at this point. I'm just nervous, I guess. I get this way every year and all I can do is go in and do the very best I can. I don't know if it'll be enough.

I am trying to think of my practice plans for the next two days. Just to nit-pick, I guess. Really focus on a big mouth and light production. Forcing is only going to cause problems in the long run.

I guess that's all for now. We'll see how I feel after practicing tomorrow.

This has been, so far at least, a productive week. I think the hardest part for me right now is gaining consistency. I've improved so much in this area, but it's still hard. I've found that my "oo" vowel is still more shallow than it should be, so I've addressed the issue by taking the 1-5-3-8-5-3-5-1 exercise that we usually do on "ha" and used "ha-hoo" instead. This way I am forced to quickly find that "oo" vowel for the best sound.

I don't know if that's a good way to solve it, but it feels like it to me.

I'm also working a lot with being lighter in the top part of my range. It's easier down low now, with the ideas of a little more gas and feeling the vibration in my chest. I got so used to that forward, nasal vibration. But now I'm pushing for too much of that, I think. The 'ng' exercises have been my best friend lately.

Aside from that, memorization is going well. "Must the Winter" is going great! I feel like this week has seen leaps and bounds on that song and the memorization is almost there. I'm excited to rehearse it with Mr. Phil tomorrow. "Moonfall" is also almost memorized, and the Italian and French are coming. Memorization will still be a week or two on those.

I have a long way to go, but at least I'm seeing improvements.

New Rep!

This week, Dr. Hepworth and I picked new repertoire for next semester. Needless to say, I am pumped! I've already hopped into a practice room to sing through some of it and printed off the IPA. Overall, that makes me so excited. I can't wait to push forward.

It's been a good year and I love it! I'm glad my recital is done and no jury to prep for feels wonderful.

That's about it. I hope you're feeling better, Dr. H!

French

It's so weird not having repertoire to practice...at least not stuff that's not learned, but I'm still applying everything from this semester in choir and chorale. It's been nice to sing soprano in chorale and have that experience. I never realized how my ear has been trained to find those inner voice parts and I struggle with staying on the melody line. I've really noticed this in warm-ups when we're singing something on a chord and I start singing the alto's note.

I also, however, can tell that my voice is less tired after a Chorale rehearsal than a Concert Choir or Mads rehearsal because I'm singing the voice part that I should be. It's amazing how much less effort it takes now that I've learned to use my voice correctly.

We also have the French Recital tonight. My dress is picked out, I just need to go out there and rock my Debussy. It's by far my favorite French that I've sung...and it's not all that long, either. The BEST! I need to remember to keep my lips puckered, especially around the schwa and to follow the line. It's going to be gorgeous though, and I know everyone will do a phenomenal job. 

Given the stress of life and family and school lately, I haven't really been myself. I make no excuses for my actions, but I know they were wrong. I am going to use singing as a stress reliever - it's amazing how much it can make us feel better - and try to learn from this experience. I've said I'm sorry and I can't change the past, but I can move forward into better things. And I will. I have to.

I am pushing forward and so excited to see what the future of voice lessons, school, and just my life might hold.

Well...

It's done! All the practicing and hard work and stressing is over. I performed my junior recital and it feels SO GOOD to have it be over. I know that I wasn't completely happy with a few things, but overall, I am so thankful for this experience and so happy that I did it. I can't believe that all that prep work was for something so quick, but it is worth every second.

Just a quick thanks to Eric, Jesse, Kim, Emily, Mr. Phil, and Dr. Hepworth. The day was amazing because of all of you. I just thought I'd throw this out there because I can.

It was amazing. I couldn't have asked for anything better...except maybe to not be sick next time. :P

So Close!!!

To quote Miss Alyssa Hayes: TWO MORE PRACTICES! Which, for me, is really three, because of my practice schedule...but there are three more practice times until my recital. One this evening, two tomorrow, and then I'm on.

I'm really excited to perform. I've had a scary week, but I'm trying to keep that out of my mind. Between straight up recital nerves to waking up Monday with little voice and a sore throat, I've been really worried that this won't go over well. But I put on my dress last night, just to practice bowing in it, and took a few deep breaths, and told myself that I would be okay. Because I will.

I've worked so hard this semester and, even at my last lesson, I can see all of the improvements I've made! I'm going to focus on a forward buzz, skinny tone production, and consonants, and I think the rest will really fall into place this Saturday. I love how it's becoming easier to be expressive. I love how I've also found it easier to take the advice Dr. H has given and apply it in practice. I also, however, think this comes from a more consistent practice routine.

I guess, for now, this is the best it's going to be. I have worked hard...now to have fun!

THREE MORE PRACTICES!!! WOOT!

And Another Update

First and foremost, I want to just give a huge compliment to the studio! Everyone is performing so well. It's an honor to be a part of this group and I'm just super excited to see all of the growth that has occurred since my freshman year. Not only on my part, but all around! It's so fun and the caliber is just amazing. I strive to work harder every day because of the people around me and seeing them improve as well.

Practicing this week has been. Well. Hit and miss. I'm trying to keep the times I've normally put into my schedule. It usually works like clockwork. But with Tour last week and Little Shop this week, it's been hard to find the time. I'm always getting at least thirty minutes a day and I'm starting to, as per Mr. Phil's suggestion, run my recital in order so that I can get a feel for what I need to do mentally to prepare for each song. It's a great suggestion. I really think it's going to help.

I feel like the consistency is getting there. My lesson today was a major success and I'm extremely stoked about how recital went. I don't normally walk away thinking I performed well, but I felt like today was a great one. Much better than last week and a good way to restore my confidence.

I'm focusing on little things for the recital. Consonants. Modification. Expression. I have my invitations out and posters to go up soon, finishing up those revisions to program notes, and what have you. I'm so excited for my recital to come around...and I will be so relieved when it's over!

Updates

I'm working really hard to be positive right now, because I know good things are happening and I'm living way too much in my head right now. So, I'm going to think of the good things that are going on with my voice and music.

• I'm becoming more consistent in The Monk and His Cat on the word 'Pangur.'
• It's becoming easier to recognize when something isn't clicking like it should be...such as the resonance or how I'm pronouncing something. 
• I'm becoming more confident with modification, but it has a long ways to go... 
• Singing expressively is becoming more natural and real. 
• It feels easier to control my voice.

There are still a ton of places to work on. Practicing during Mid-Term Break happened, but not nearly as much as I would have liked. It's time to hit things hard. I can't seem to get over whatever stuffy-ness I have, so I'm kind of frustrated there, and I sincerely hope that I am able to handle that soon.

I need to work really hard on getting out of my own head. It's keeping me from being successful in the ways I want, which is frustrating. I'm naturally a worrier when it comes to things like this, so I just want to worry about it and control it all, but I can't. I just can't.

I'm going to be honest here: I'm really disappointed with my performance on recital today. It could have been worse, but it should have been so much better. I'm not one to forget words, but I let myself lose focus and I just lost everything. But, there's always next time. I just have to jump back on and try again. It's not easy, though.

I guess that's my blogging for right now...

"For Good"

This has no place in my practice blog, and I'm aware of that, but I have to share it somewhere and this feels like a good place. I was on YouTube tonight and stumbled across this video. This three year old boy has autism, and his favorite song is "For Good" from Wicked.



As far as practicing goes, Mid-Term Break has been a little rough on me, but I've managed to put in some decent time listening and score studying. With the recital date quickly approaching, I'm working on all of those final polishing things.

I've spent a lot of time on The Monk and His Cat since my jury, trying to figure out why I say 'Pangur' differently each time. I'm also focusing on vowel color in my lower register. Now I need to remember not to modify.

That's the word of the semester: Modify.

I've also been speaking my German texts a lot to try and remind myself of the consonants. I figure that's going to help in some way, shape, or form. The more I do it and do it WELL, the better it will be. After all, practice makes permanent.

I'm going to keep up the work this week.

So Relieved!!!

So, today was stressful. The whole week has been, but that's okay. I've gotten a cold and it feels pretty crummy. My throat hurts, I'm congested, etc, etc. But that's okay.

Eric and I had our jury today for our recital. While there are definitely areas that need to be worked on, I'm pretty pumped that I PASSED! This is just a massive weight off of my shoulders. I know I need to keep working hard and keep my head up and alert, the semester is far from over, but I just feel like I can handle it now. I know that all of my hard work paid off.

It felt amazing to hear Dr. Lofgren tell me he's seen tons of improvement. I smiled. And, the truth is (without being cocky), I believe it! I worked hard! I've done a lot to sing better! It's awesome. Although, I am going to miss being an alto next year. :(

Anyways, that's my entry right now. I'm going to take a day or two off of practicing...and possibly score study. I'm going to hit it hard over break, because I'll need to. But I think tomorrow can be a day of rest. And midterms. But mostly rest!

Also, Dr. Hepworth, thank you for everything! You rock my socks! :) I couldn't have done it without you.

Frustration.

So I was practicing tonight. And I was feeling like "okay, gonna be productive." And I thought I really could. I did. But I walked out of the room so discouraged and frustrated. I know, we all have those times, we have moments when it just doesn't work or whatever the case may be, but this was ridiculous.

It was like everything I've learned in the last few years has just flown out of the window. My voice was doing things I didn't understand and I tried to step back from the situation, troubleshoot, and fix it, but I couldn't seem to apply anything I usually do.

My voice just feels so heavy. And any amount of thinking skinny didn't help it. I just don't even know what to do. But this is not a good time to have these feelings.

Furthermore, I can't seem to remember just one line of L'ame evaporee. I'm so worried about it. I just haven't figured out what's going to make it click. I would like to kick French from here to Delaware. Yes, that's right, Delaware. And then I'll never have to see it again.

Sorry about the rant, just figured this was a good place to put it.

Practice 2/18-2/14

Studio in an hour, but it's time to think about how much I've practiced this week and what's going on. I had a killer voice lesson on Wednesday, and it was fantastic! L'ame evaporee is coming along really well. I'm finally excited to be singing this song. It's gorgeous. Recital also went really well, and I covered a missed entrance on Filli well, but it sounded (and felt) great

I've really focused on my Vivaldi this week. I also memorized Filli. I just can't believe how much of an improvement I've made this semester alone. Domine Deus is becoming more and more effortless.

My practice habits have been as consistent as ever, if not more so. I'm ready for this jury. Just need to keep up the good work. Unfortunately, I didn't practice last night - studying for music history - but I have all kinds of time on the weekend, so I'll just spread out the time.

I'm finally content and excited to have my voice. It's a great feeling.

Practice ... 2/11 - 2/17

I am in a practice room more than I ever thought humanly possible and I feel like I'm making no progress whatsoever. Listening has gotten more common, though. I even made a playlist on my iPod and use it whenever I can. I try to keep my scores in front of my nose and just study them all of the time. Or as much as I can.

I'm kind of getting bored of my repertoire. Not in a bad way, but I've been singing a lot of it all year, so it's nice to focus on the new stuff.

As for practicing this week, I feel like I've taken 2 steps back. Everything is so heavy, so much weight. And we talked a bit about opening my mouth more. I've been trying to watch myself in a mirror (side note: TORTURE...), and it's true. The good news, though, is that my Carissimi is probably 95% memorized and almost performance ready. Debussy and I have a long ways to go. Though, my biggest concern, is probably the Vivaldi.

I had issues with that song sophomore year, too, though. Negotiating the register changes is the absolute worst.

Overall, I spent a lot of time working on music this week...but I have no idea if it helped. I guess that's all part of the game.

Practice... February 4 through 10.

It's been an interesting week for practicing. I really hit my new repertoire hard. Filli, Non T'amo Piu is going far better than I thought it would be at this point. I really, really need to work on my consistency in it, though. I feel as though I just don't hit everything where it should be and the resonance changes, which is annoying. I'm no good at that, though, so it's not surprising in the slightest.

I'm also spending a lot of time on my Debussy. It's French, so I automatically don't like it. :P Just kidding, but it does make it harder for me. The language itself is just difficult, I think. I never feel like I'm pronouncing it right, which already makes me nervous, and I feel like I just don't have the right feel for it yet. I pulled up my recording today, though, and I'm going to keep listening to it - as per Dr. Hepworth's suggestion.

Aside from that, I've definitely been trying to look at everything. In practice, I focus on two or three additional songs a day. I've been working on that forward sound, especially higher in my range. I can see it paying off.

Junior Recital, here I come. Jury is officially less than three weeks away. Can you say terrifying? Because I can! :p